The day started out like any other: alarm, shower, coffee...let's go. I was looking forward to a little field trip from the office to run out to a client's home to pick up some paperwork. The morning was sunny and the sky was a brilliant shade of blue. Windows down, music up - that kind of day.
Puttering along on the interstate, an apartment building caught my eye and a memory jolted my brain like a lightning bolt. Years ago, I dated a guy who lived there and I suddenly remembered him as if he was standing in front of me. He was tall, broad-shouldered, muscled, tattooed - totally my type. I remembered the night I met him and his pick up line and our first date. I remembered how he was a decorated Iraq war veteran, physically stateside now but still battling PTSD in his mind. I pictured the times he made me ahi tuna, shrimp boil, or waffles...and remembered how he made me laugh and think. We didn't work out and now, years later, he's married. He's one of the good guys and I hope they're very happy.
The experience on the freeway that morning has had me thinking about all the people I've met throughout this adventure called dating. Sometimes in this blog, I fear that I write too much about the bad ones and don't spend enough time on the good ones...because hey - let's take a moment to realize that there are a lot of good ones out there, even if the dating thing doesn't work out. Maybe it's the sociologist in me that sees these encounters as more than a date - it's a chance to get to know another person, to gather their thoughts and opinions and viewpoints, and to treasure those things as gifts.
So I put my mind to work to think about some of the good ones and the moments we shared: the Sundays spent on a motorcycle on back Wisconsin roads with a man who had the most gentle heart; watching war movies with the dog trainer whose German shepherds were as sweet as kittens; the afternoon runs along the Mississippi with a man who was part farmer, part urban cowboy.
I treasure those that I've remained friends with, even as the relationship attempt failed. I wish I could name them here because they are such wonderful guys and the world should know, but I will honor their right to anonymity...and instead just express my gratitude. Thank you to the guy with the Audi who showed me the downtown lights and the light inside of me; thank you to the kind-hearted one who always "has my back" (to steal his phrase); thank you to the man with the easy smile and shining eyes who made such a positive impression on my son.
These men, and others not mentioned here, are part of a great story that all too often looks more dreary than it actually is. These moments in time make me smile because these guys shared themselves with me; they let me see behind the curtain and peek at their humanity. I'm grateful to them for that honesty and humanity.
This is part of my life story and it impacts where I've been, who I am, and what I'll become. Thinking about this, I'm reminded to keep an open heart no matter how long this dating journey lasts. The bad guys will undoubtedly leave scars, but the good guys can heal those scars and replenish the lost hope, even without being The One.
So to all: thank you for the gifts.
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