Through clenched teeth he responded, guarded: "Okay...."
We were in his kitchen, the third location that night for an argument that had spanned an hour, maybe more. With these bouts, there was no bell and time became uncountable.
I tightly closed my eyes and mustered up my courage, feeling a pit in my stomach and a lump in my throat. I opened my eyes, and forced a steady voice: "At least tell me what your emotions are right now. Name them."
His eyes softened for a moment as he met my stare. I saw a tenderness hiding behind the harsh glare of anger.
"Mad. Frustrated. Angry," he responded in a tone that was as hard as it was dishonest.
"And hurt?" I softly asked.
He scoffed. "Hurt? What is that? I don't get hurt," he bitterly responded. It was a defense mechanism, and he knew I knew.
He took a long swig of his beer, buying both of us a moment of quiet. He'd been slamming beers angrily now for twenty minutes, choosing to dump poison into his liver rather than speak poisonous, angry words.
I met his flashing eyes with sudden equal anger. Two could play this game, I thought. I opened the refrigerator and reached for a bottle of wine. I poured a long pour into a wine glass and greedily drank it in one gulp. He stared, surprised.
Seizing the moment, I took the cool silver can from his hands and set it on the counter. I leaned in and kissed him, tasting the beer and the utter shock on his lips. Then I stared hard and spoke:
"I will be damned if I let you go. I'm fighting for us, for you. Stop fighting against us and start working for us. We have come too God-damned far to just give up now. I fucking love you," I fervently whispered into his face. "I know you know hurt. I do, too. Be. Human. Right now, right in this space."
His Atlantic blue eyes searched my face, looking intently for safety and love. The air was still and hung heavy with my declaration for a long minute.
He grabbed my face with both of his hands, pulling me in abruptly for a kiss. I felt a tear brush my cheek--I don't know if it was his or mine. Gathering me in his arms tightly, he fiercely whispered:
"Okay."
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