It's a first date...anything can happen, right??
Isn't that the magic of dating? That glorious, butterfly-filled first date, where the world is open to the possibility of fairy tales. Your tummy has that little twitch, your heart beats a little faster while you pick out just the right outfit... what if, what if, what if....
....Or...it's filled with hilarious mishaps. And that's why we're really here, isn't it? It's far more likely that the first date is awkward, maybe even tense, and you spend an hour or two with a total stranger wondering if you can get past that odd stain on his front tooth or the fact that you're taller than him in heels.
Once, I went on a blind date with a guy who was sweet and cute over text messages and the few photos I'd seen of him. We had enough in common--same college background, children, etc--that I thought a first date would be great. Visions of our first kiss danced in my head as I drove to meet him; I was glowing with happiness.
When I arrived at the restaurant where we were meeting, I almost turned around. He looked nothing like the proportionately muscled man I'd seen photos of; rather, he was stout and slightly slack-jawed. And then he spotted me and I was trapped into the longest hour of my life: he spent at least 45 minutes of it trashing his ex-wife. The remaining 15 minutes were filled with me trying to dodge his offers to go get a glass of wine somewhere. I've never eaten a slice of flourless chocolate cake so fast....
Is it moments like this that make us feel compelled to return to the scene of the bloody disaster of our last relationship? Case in point: I was talking with a friend tonight and she was telling me about a mutual friend of ours that had ditched girl night to go hang out with a boy who had already proved himself to be all wrong for her. It made me wonder: is the comfort of the known bad guy that much better than the risk of a bad first date?
I don't know about how this works for the female side of things. What I CAN tell you is my experience in dating as a newly divorced man.
ReplyDeleteI decided to get myself out there and get my sea-legs back for dating. After all... I hadn't been on a "date" since I first dated my ex-wife when I was in High School. Back then a date consisted of Pizza Hut and a school dance. I posted a profile on a free online dating site and after awhile started to send messages to women. I chatted with a few... a few seemed rather bitter and self-absorbed, a few seemed very tentative and a few were receptive to talking in depth.
I particularly hit it off with one and she actually pushed to meet me quickly. I later found out that she didn't like wasting time talking "online" but preferred to see if there was a connection in real life. We met for a "meeting"... I called it a first date though.
We spent five hours together talking about a lot of things... professions (we share professions), relationships, life, etc. I had no idea how things went... I was probably more nervous than she was. I had no idea that a five hour first date was good! I've been dating her for around three months now and I have no plans of changing that arrangement. I was "on the market" for around a month.
Maybe the problem is that the good ones get snatched up quickly and you have to be not just available and looking but also have a bit of luck and impeccable timing? I'm not saying I'm the catch of the century... I am Conservative after all :)... but it didn't seem to take very long to find someone I find absolutely amazing in every way.
Randy